He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's blow job season.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
