happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
