There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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