if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
