So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
