Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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