Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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