oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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