I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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