You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
