i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
