I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
