What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
