i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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