I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
