The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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