I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
