Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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