Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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