Your face is a jimmy john
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
