i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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