Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
