what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
