He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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