She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
