did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
