I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
