Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
