I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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