That's when you crack a 10am beer
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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