Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
