we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
