two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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