She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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