Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
