I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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