just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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