So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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