i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
