hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
