census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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