Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
