Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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