she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
