I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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