I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
