i was rollin on her like bob the builder
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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