I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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