...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dignity is for republicans.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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