do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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